Tattoo Removal For Dummies
by RebelByrdie
Summary: A tumblr prompt fic for ninjasq. Emma wakes up hung-over and sporting a couple of new tattoos. She goes to Regina for a magical remedy for her drunken mistake and her visit doesn't go exactly as she planned. SwanQueen with mentions of RedBeauty and SleepingWarrior.


Title: Tattoo Removal For Dummies

Author: RebelByrdie

Rating: M for SwanQueen sexiness

Fandom: Once Upon A Time

Pairing: Regina/Emma with mentions of RedBeauty and SleepingWarrior

Disclaimer: Storybrooke, its population and its drama belong to its creators. This is a work of not-for-profit fiction.

Summary: A tumblr prompt from ninjasq based on this gifset: post/52259234931/awhitefairytale-ninjasq-helebette -woah

Author's Note: I don't usually do prompts, but I rather enjoyed this one. If anyone ever has a prompt for me send it via PM and I'll try my hand at it.

Tattoo Removal For Dummies

The Diner was closed for a private party, which was just fabulous, Regina sighed. All she wanted was a cup of coffee. She was out of coffee at home and the Grocer had locked up to go home hours ago. Why hadn't the curse planted a twenty-four hour mini-mart on the corner? It would make her life so much more tolerable. Since her reinstatement as Mayor she had been working several late nights and needed coffee, and a very high dose of pain killers. The Charmings had left their town in a mess. It wasn't like running a kingdom, the bureaucracy of a small town was a delicate, red-tape ensnared maze of technicalities and rules. A maze she needed coffee to navigate.

She peeked through the glass to see exactly what sort of party was going on. Perhaps she could convince someone to sneak her a to-go cup of coffee. Yes, a bitter voice in her head answered her, and maybe they will invite you in to sing karaoke and exchange stories about how you slaughtered their families and stole their happy endings.

Still, she stepped closer and peeked in and immediately gasped. She simply had no words for what she was seeing. She had been the Evil Queen and she had, to quote a bad movie that she had watched since sleep had become so very illusive, seen some stuff and some things, but she hadn't seen anything like this before. She blinked her eyes several times and even held a hand to her brow and squinted in case the glare on the glass was somehow making her see things. It wasn't.

Ruby Lucas, Belle French and Aurora and Mulan, two new additions to her town, were all gathered around another person's bare posterior. There were multiple empty liquor bottles lying about and the women were all in various states of undress. She felt a blush rising in her cheeks. She hadn't seen so much bare female flesh since her last dalliance with Maleficent, and that had been several decades ago.

Ruby was down to a bright red thong and push up bra. Her mile long legs were bare but for tattoos. Tattoos that hadn't been there since the last time Regina had checked, not that she checked. The woman had spent twenty-eight years parading around half-naked, she couldn't help but see her legs. Her long, smooth, unmarred legs that were so often on decadent display. She leaned closer to the window and realized that the tattoos were paw prints that lead to what the small of her back where neat script read: "Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey". Huh, she hadn't taken Ruby to be so sentimental, or a fan of Lord Byron.

The answer to that mystery came in the form of a topless Belle French. She, too, had a paw prints, but they were not on her legs. She now had a very wolfish paw-print on each of her breasts. Lower on her stomach, just above the top of her very low-riding skirt was a less refined, almost blocky, script that read: Runs with Wolves.

Oh Gold was going to lose his mind, absolutely and completely lose his ever-scheming mind. She really wanted to be there to see his reaction when he found out that the town's resident werewolf had snatched his dream girl right out from under his nose. She hoped to have a video camera with her, actually, so she could watch his face again and again. Mulan was mostly clothed, but her tattoo work had all been done to her arms. This was actually quite elegant. Vines wrapped around her muscular biceps and forearms to reveal small flowers here and there.

Aurora, Mulan's constant companion, was also topless, but Regina could only see her back. That was all she really needed to see because she couldn't decipher what the bold Chinese symbols that flowed down her spine meant.

Ruby walked back over to the bare buttocks of the fifth mystery woman and that's when Regina realized that there was a tattoo gun in her hand. She gasped and threw her hand over her mouth to muffle the sound. They were tattooing each other in the middle of the diner? How _drunk _were these women?

Then the mystery woman with the admittedly nice rear end turned her head. If Regina hadn't been leaning against the building she would have fallen down. Emma Swan, Sheriff, Savior, and pain in her neck, was grinning like a drunken idiot. Her black dress, if you could call it a dress, had been hiked up over her hips and she was saying something to the tattoo-gun wielding waitress.

She just had to know what was being said inside. It was such a small spell, it would barely even count. She waved her hand over the glass and grinned when she could hear every slurred word.

"A bee, a big bee, Rubes. Right on my ass."

And such a delicious looking ass it was. She started to bite her thumb-nail, an old habit that had recently resurfaced when she was nervous. Regina shook her head to clear it of _that_ thought. She was not lusting after Emma Swan. It simply would not do. When Ruby leaned over and slapped the other woman's prominently displayed gluteus maximus and Regina felt a stab of something that might have been envy or jealousy. She shifted in her heels and was suddenly very aware of the fact that she was aroused.

She had been abstinent for far too long if watching women give each other drunken tattoos was a turn-on.

Ruby bent down and started her work, and despite the fine view of her ass, Regina found herself upset because it prevented her from ogling the Sheriff's.

Oh hell. She stepped away from the window, flustered and frustrated. Forget the coffee, forget the paperwork. She was going home right now. She was going to open a bottle of wine and try very hard to forget what she had seen. The seemingly impossible feat of forgetting the sight of Emma's perfect ass would probably require at least two bottles of wine and one hard orga- No. Absolutely not, she berated herself as she walked back towards Mifflin Street. If there was one thing she was not going to do, it was pleasure herself to the memory of the infuriating blonde's wantonly displayed ass-sets.

She would start whipping up a poultice to remove the tattoos because she had a strong suspicion that the ladies would not be happy when they sobered up. Yes, a long quiet night of the art and science of potion making was just the thing she needed to calm her down.

* * *

Morning came bright and way the hell too early with a scream that startled Emma into rolling off the counter-top that she had claimed as her bed.

"What the _hell_ did you girls do to my restaurant?"

Emma landed behind the counter hard on her hands and knees.

Ow. Just fucking Ow. Now her elbows, knees, head and her pride hurt.

"Granny!"

Ruby's voice cut into her brain like a chainsaw. Oh God, how much had she drank?

"It's not what it looks like!"

Emma pulled herself up and winced when she saw the rest of the Diner. It was a wreck. There were booze bottles and empty glasses everywhere, not to mention broken glass, stained tablecloths and an over-turned table. Then there were them, the party girls. Ruby was mostly naked, Aurora was topless and she was pretty sure that Belle was completely naked underneath the table cloth she had hastily wrapped around herself.

It looked like they'd had some kind of orgy. Which she was damn sure hadn't happened. Well, it was like 70-30, but those were still good odds.

"Red Lucas, are those tattoos?"

Oh when the Enchanted Forest name came out it meant trouble. Wait tattoos? It was hazy, but she vaguely remembered confiscating a tattoo gun that one of the high school kids, how could you still be so hormonal after twenty-eight years of tenth grade anyway, had tattooed his girlfriend in a parking lot and her father had protested with his fists.

She remembered telling the story, then getting the tattoo gun from her car and then there had been drinking and then it all got a little fuzzy.

"Ruby!" Belle was looking underneath the tablecloth and was obviously displeased by whatever it was she saw.

Emma looked around the room and saw Aurora tracing one of the swirling lines on Mulan's arms and Mulan blushed furiously when she saw Aurora's back.

Aurora craned her neck to see, but she couldn't.

"They're Chinese symbols." Ruby told her unhelpfully.

Aurora closed her eyes and sighed, "Do I even want to know what they mean?"

Belle, the only one other the Mulan who could read Chinese (the woman could read like six languages apparently) circled around the princess, "I don't think you do."

Emma sighed and did something she'd been avoiding, she picked up one of the napkin holders and held it up so she could look at her stinging chest.

"Holy fuck monkeys."

Her chest, the entirety of it, had been tattooed. There were leaves and what might have been a river and oh fuck her it was in a place where everyone could see it. Everyone. Her mother, her father, her son. The entire town. She was going to have to wear a turtleneck for the rest of her life.

"What are you delinquents standing around for? I have to open this place in thirty minutes. I want you dressed and this place clean and scrubbed down. Now."

Not one of them, not the warrior or the sheriff, librarian or even the princess argued. They located their clothes and got busy. Granny was scary even without her crossbow. Emma started to help put the place to rights and studiously ignored the painful patch of skin on her ass. She didn't even want to know at this point.

* * *

When the doorbell rang at three-thirty, Regina fluffed her hair in the mirror before leaving her home-office to answer the door. She was not surprised to find Emma Swan, clad in an unseasonably warm black turtleneck, standing at her door.

"Sheriff Swan, is there something I can help you with?"

Oh she just bet there was.

"Please, come in."

She was going to have so much fun with this, it could quite possibly be illegal.

"Is Henry okay?"

She knew he was, she'd received her usual good morning text message from him.

"Uh yeah. He's good. Great even, he's an awesome kid."

Regina paused at that, "Yes, Dear, I raised him after all."

She waited for the scathing comeback, but it did not come. Emma was apparently still hung-over.

"Would you like some coffee, Sheriff Swan, or is that too stereotypical for you?"

She led the other woman into the kitchen and made sure to put a little extra swing into her non-tattooed posterior.

"God yes. I mean no. I mean yes I would love some coffee. Thank you."

Regina smiled and tried to pull it back in before turning around.

"Late night protecting Storybrooke from murderers and thieves?"

She'd left the door wide open, Emma would have to make some pithy remark about her past.

"Something like that."

Yet, she didn't take the bait. Regina was almost disappointed.

"Are you quite alright, Miss Swan?"

She certainly didn't look good. The Savior didn't hold her liquor well. Her skin was pale, her eyes bloodshot and surrounded by dark circles.

"Uh-well."

Oh here came the groveling, Regina grinned a little. She had been waiting a long time to hear Emma beg. The image of her bare bottom combined with begging. It would be delicious.

"I kinda have a favor to ask."

Regina felt like it was Christmas and her birthday all rolled into one day. "Yes?"

Emma mumbled a response and though Regina had heard her she frowned, "I'm sorry, Dear, I need you to say that again and try to speak clearly."

* * *

She couldn't believe they had talked her into this. It had been Ruby's damn idea, she should have come to Regina for a magical tattoo-away potion or lotion or what the fuck ever.

"I asked if you had a way to magically erase tattoos, okay. So do you?"

This was, officially, the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to her. First she had been rudely awakened by a pissed off grandma werewolf, had to sneak home and hide her ill-gotten tattoos and now she was begging the Ex Evil Queen for a remedy for said tattoos. Why couldn't a convenient portal to the Enchanted Forest open under her feet right about now?

"I will have to see them first."

See them? No. No. Not only no but hell no.

"Ah, it's not for me." Which wasn't a total lie, it was not just for her.

"Oh?"

Regina handed her a cup of coffee, "You are a terrible liar, Miss Swan."

Damn it so much. Damn alcohol, damn tattoos and especially damn Regina Mills.

"Emma."

The Mayor blinked, "I beg your pardon?"

Emma smirked just a little bit. "If I'm going to do this" she couldn't believe this was about to happen, "then its Emma."

Regina, raised a single dark brow and took a prim sip of her coffee, "Emma then."

Rip it off quick, like a Band-Aid, Swan.

She put her coffee cup on the counter and curled her fingers under the bottom of her turtle neck. She could do this. She was only about to strip down for the woman who made her days a living hell and her nights a never ending string of wet dreams. No sweat, no prob, she was Emma Swan and she could do this. Kinda.

She pulled the shirt up slowly and wished that she was doing it for some sexy reason instead of showing off her drunken tattoos.

She pulled the shirt all the way off and put it on the table behind her. She immediately felt a full-body blush come on and bit her lip.

Regina's dark eyes made their way up her torso slowly, a small smirk on her face. Her gaze were intense, her chocolate brown eyes were almost black and Emma felt paralyzed by them. She felt Regina's stare burning into her: dedicated, potent, sexual.

"Oh." She had finally reached the tattoos. Her cleavage, chest and shoulders were covered in leaves and long swooping line. "It's not so bad, really." Warm fingers started to trace one of the leaves on her clavicle. Emma blinked when had Regina gotten close enough to touch her? She was right there, in her personal space, touching her. She shivered a little bit and bit her lip harder. She was not going to moan from the Evil Queen touching her. She really and truly was not going to moan.

"What is it supposed to mean?" Regina's voice was soft and husky, the woman was so close she could feel her breath on her skin.

She had been drunk, but had pieced together some things throughout the day. "The Enchanted Forest. The leaves symbolize my trip to the Enchanted Forest."

Regina traced another one of the leaves with the light rasp of a fingernail. This one was lower, at the top of her right breast. This time she couldn't help it, and she had to try to disguise her moan as a gasp, it didn't work very well.

"And this"

Two finger followed the line all the way across her chest. Goosebumps appeared in the wake of the touch and Emma felt nipples pucker and harden underneath her bra.

"It was supposed to be a tree. Aurora sort of got drunk, though, and tried to do a river. Girl can't hold her Jaeger."

Regina looked up at her, those devastating eyes were dilated and sharp like a jungle cat. An extremely sexy jungle cat and Emma was her prey. Her increasingly willing pray.

"Anywhere else, Em-ma?" She dragged out her name and Emma's eyes fluttered shut for a moment. She had always found Regina's voice to be extremely sexy, but this. This was something different. It was lower, silkier, spicier, and darker. Regina's voice sounded like decadence and sin coated in wild honey.

"N-no."

If she took off her pants then they were going to have kitchen sex, no doubts about it. Hot, throw-'em-against-the-counter buck-ass-wild kitchen sex.

Regina leaned closer and Emma could feel her starched white shirt brush up against her sensitized skin. "I think" she husked in her ear, "that you're lying to me again." One clever, wandering, hand fell back down her stomach and around her hips and grabbed the exact place where her other new tattoo was. She hissed at the unwelcome pain.

"How did you-"

Regina's only answer was a throaty chuckle that made Emma's knees wobble a little.

She didn't even try to stop her when Regina started unhooking her belt. She even shimmied her hips a little when Regina tugged her jeans down to reveal the bee on her butt. Well, technically it was on her hip but it was in the butt zone, so she was pretty sure it counted.

"A bee?" She could feel Regina's quiet chuckle against her thigh. So so close to where she wanted her to be.

"You're so full of surprises, Emma."

She straitened back up and they were eye to eye again. Emma licked her suddenly very dry lips and scrambled for a witty comeback.

"Maybe I just like to keep you on your toes, Madame Mayor."

Regina's eyes flickered and she pushed up flush against her, "You're half naked in my kitchen, I think we're past titles, don't you?"

Oh God, this was happening. This was for-fucking-real happening. She wasn't dreaming this time, it was real. She was real, Regina was real, the throbbing wetness in her panties, that was definitely real.

"This is really happening, isn't it?"

Had she said that out loud?

"Oh yes it is."

Regina's lips latched onto hers with no more warning than that. Emma's eyes slammed closed and her hands rose through the air to bury themselves in perfectly styled dark locks of hair. She felt Regina's tongue swipe across her lips and her mouth fell open with a small whimper. It was better than she could have ever imagined. Kissing Regina Mills was like riding a rollercoaster with no seatbelt: fast, wild and dangerous. A forbidden adrenaline rush that made every inch of Emma's body hum with energy and desire. Oh the things she had thought of doing to this woman. She bit down on her lush lower lip and felt Regina shudder against her. She had always imagined the prim and proper mayor would like it rough. If that was what she wanted, Emma was damn well going to give it to her.

* * *

She hadn't been able to help herself. Emma's soft, smooth, tattooed skin had been on display and she had just wanted to touch it for a moment. That moment had turned into so much more. She wasn't sure what had possessed her to kiss the other woman, but didn't want to stop. When Emma bit her lip the sharp sting of pain raced through her, melded with the pleasure and made her shudder. She couldn't remember the last time she had been kissed so skillfully or been so aroused by a simple kiss. Then Emma's hands were on her shoulders. They never broke their kiss but Regina felt herself being pushed backwards. Her lust-clouded mind didn't put it together until her back, shoulders and head slammed against her own refrigerator hard enough to make magnets fall and papers flutter to the floor.

Oh yes.

She wrapped her hands around Emma's hips and pulled the woman against her again, one jean clad thigh slipping between her slack clad ones.

I should have, a hazy thought floated through her racing mind, worn a skirt.

Hands roamed all over her body, laying claim to her curves, mapping out the swell of her breasts and massaging her always sensitive hips and rear. She involuntarily arched into the touch and Emma broke the kiss. They were both breathing hard, only inches from each other's faces.

"Fuck."

Emma cursed and then Regina felt both hands on her thighs lifting her up. She curled her legs around Emma's waist and locked her ankles. She hadn't realized the blonde was so strong. Her core was now snug against Emma's bare belly and she knew the other woman could feel how wet and hot she was.

Emma's eyes, swirling electric shades of green and blue, met her own and for a moment Regina lost her breath. No one had ever looked at her like that before.

Then Emma's mouth was on her neck, nibbling, licking, sucking, and kissing. Her head fell back against the refrigerator and she moaned at the contact. She tightened her grip on Emma's shoulders and rode out the storm of sensations that the blonde was hitting her with as best she could.

How had the tables turned? She had meant to tease the woman, to make her angry, but this. How had it come to this? And why hadn't it happened sooner? Emma found a sensitive spot, where her neck met her shoulder and bit down hard enough to send sparks through her entire being.

"Em-ma!"

She could feel the other woman smile against her shoulder.

"We have to stop."

She could barely control herself, she was hot and needy, ready to beg for the woman to ravish her senseless in the middle of her kitchen.

She couldn't do this. She couldn't lose what little control she had left in her life. Not here, not like this.

"Why?"

She nipped at her neck again and Regina momentarily forgot what she needed to say. She grit her teeth and tried to focus.

"Because it's min the middle of the day, in my kitchen, and Henry is coming here today to work on his diorama for school."

* * *

She had her, she finally had her in her arms, against the fridge, hot, ready and clinging to her and the infuriating brunette wanted her to stop? Was she fucking kidding?

Henry. She had forgotten that the Kid was coming to Regina's today to work on some school project. Damn it. It would send the Kid right back into therapy if he walked in on them like this. David and Mary Margaret had been bad enough, there was no need to scar him for life again.

Regina's legs loosened around her and Emma eased her back onto the floor. The brunette's high heels clicked when they touched the tile. She didn't back away, though. She had waited too damn long for this moment to let it go without a second thought.

"We're going to finish this. Soon."

Regina smiled, that small secret smile that Emma was pretty sure was reserved for her, and nodded. "But not today, Dear." She reached out to the counter and grabbed a container, a plastic Tupperware, and brought it between their chests.

"You and your friends will need to rub this into whatever tattooed areas that you wish to be removed and let it soak in. The poultice will dissolve the ink and leave the flesh unmarred."

Emma stepped back in pure shock. "You had this. You had it the whole time?"

Regina straitened her shirt and ran a hand over her mussed hair. "Yes."

Emma couldn't believe the nerve of the woman. "You bitch!"

Regina laughed, actually threw her head back and laughed, "Oh calm down, Dear. It wasn't so bad."

Well, of course not, but that wasn't the point.

"I am so out of here."

She stalked away towards the door only to be called back when she was half-way there. Regina hung around the corner of the kitchen with an almost mischievous smirk on her face. "You forgot something."

Emma caught, barely, her turtleneck, and realized that she had been ready to storm out of the Mayor's home topless with her pants hanging down around her ass.

She pulled on her top, buttoned her pants and scowled at her own stupidity.

"What does it mean?"

What does what mean? Their hot kisses and the almost-sex? She didn't know what the hell that meant.

"The bee, I mean."

Oh that. In for a penny, in for a pound, she might as well tell the truth.

"You. It's you. The freaking Queen Bee of Storybrooke. Watching down from on-high as all of use worker bees scramble to do your bidding. You're as sweet as honey some days and other days you have the venom of a killer bee. Seemed appropriate to put it where I did since you're a pain in my ass."

Regina chuckled at that, and Emma was so glad the woman found it amusing.

"Just be glad I didn't decide to sting you today, Emma."

Emma jerked the door of 108 Mifflin open, "Yeah. I got your honey today, didn't I, Regina?"

Then, Tupperware in hand, she stepped outside, slammed the door behind her, and stomped away. She spent the walk back to the Diner trying to figure out what the hell had just happened to her and how she was going to make it happen again.


End file.
